So, here we are in year three of the Great Recession and despite the Wall Street upticks and general upward trending, the economy still sucks and joblessness is still rampant and people are still scared. What has that meant for the performers and crafters out there in the world of the ren-faires? Well, no one knows for sure since it's not like we all sit around and talk sales statistics with one another (although some of us do), but it's pretty obvious that CD and merchandise sales are down recently compared to previous years. Truthfully, I think it's the same for traditional brick-and-mortar stores and web sites despite the BS sales figures we get fed all the time. There's a reason why Black Friday is such a cutthroat, competitive, freak show these days... businesses are desperate for your money. Sometimes it's just greed (investors have to see sales growth in their stocks regardless of how much money a business is making) and some of it is a reflection of the dire straits of lack of income. Small businesses (and independent musicians) around the world are hurting because people are obsessed with bargains and won't buy anything that's not at a "discount" unless it's a staple product (food, clothing, iPads).

Where does music fall in that list? Pretty low down, I think. I don't know how it's been for the majority of other bands out there on the circuit, but the ones I have spoken to have said their CD sales are down this year compared to last year and even lower down compared to 4 or 5 years ago. I know our sales at our gigs have been down about 30% compared to last year. Granted some of that has to do with the type of shows we've done this year, but it's still a pretty big drop. Even worse are the online sales which are at a 40% drop in sales this year. Now last year, we had a new CD get released so that always adds to an uptick in sales as everyone wants to get the new stuff. In fact, not a show goes that we don't have someone ask us if we have a new album out. Another factor in the declining sales is the decreasing popularity of CD's as well (which will be another blog). Regardless of reasons, it seems that people are less likely to buy music they like from the artist because they don't want to spend the money on it. It doesn't appear that attendance is down at any of the festivals we perform at. In fact, if anything, the patron numbers are either flat or up this year. It's just that people are more likely to spend their money on food and drinks at a festival instead of a hand-carved bowl, a hand-made frame, or music from their local "starving artists".

This might sound all whiny (and in a small way, it is), but it's more along the lines of things that make you go hmmmm. Some performers do well at promoting themselves and getting decent performance fees and tips (Some ren-faire shows are nothing but 30 minute long tip collection events) and they don't care much about merchandise sales, while other performers just try to do the best show they can and hope that people will come along and buy a CD or T-shirt or whatever they are selling. Now, I know that the walking advertisements that are T-shirts are about the last thing some of you want to wear around (ours are here, BTW), but for some acts, like sword-fighting shows, it's all they have to sell. However, if you think you'd like the things you see a performer sell and you're not sure if you'd like to spend the money on it, I encourage you to impulse buy from the little guy and get something unique instead of paying for stuff at your local S-Mart that you don't really care that much about just because they're on sale. Food for thought... and that'll be $9.00 for that turkey leg.

Because it's all for me blog. Me jolly jolly blog.
....Maroon

Time for another set of tales from the road. This time, I'm reviewing some of the fortunes and misfortunes from our latest road trip: the 12-hour trek down the US highway system to visit the northern Florida Gulf Coast and Ft. Walton Beach, the stomping grounds of Captain Billy Bowlegs and his 56th visit to the city and his yearly kidnapping of the mayor and tossing of a hold full of beads on the eagerly awaiting (and some unsuspecting) fauna.

The most memorable thing about this trip was the case(s) of the missing keys. It started sometime Friday afternoon at the festival when the sound guy started announcing that they had found a set of missing condo keys. I didn't think much about it since I just knew I had mine safely in my trusty pirate pouch. However, later that day, I finally noticed my copy of the condo key was gone, so I went to see if the found one was mine... it was not. Therefore, we had an entire evening of us trying to go over the places where I might have lost it. Not to mention an entire evening of Sharkbait fretting about someone going into our condo and casually removing all of our stuff and sailing off into the sunset. We had no luck finding the keys anywhere that day or night. Then sometime Saturday afternoon, Fanny found them in the leather box she uses to sell CD's out of. How they got there, no one still has any idea. Oh well, at least they were found... not so for Harvey's rental car keys.

Now, Harvey had his heart in the right place. He and his wife decided to fly in from Dallas to Valparaiso, FL (about 5 miles north of Ft. Walton Beach) whereas the rest of the band drove our vehicles. He decided to opt for a rental car for 3 days instead of calling one of us when he got in to come pick them up. Very sweet of him. Problem was, sometime on Friday, the sound guy started announcing that the keys had been found to a rental car, an Acura. No one thought much about it since their car was a Kia. The announcements went on about the found keys for the next day and a half and none of us thought to go and see about them. On Sunday morning, though, when it's about time for them to go back to the airport, it's discovered the the keys are missing. Sooooo... we call the event organizers to see what happened to the keys. Problem is, no one knows or can find them. A nasty, nasty squall came ripping through the festival on Saturday evening and right before that was the last time anyone saw the keys. They were gone. We looked around the grounds on Sunday and contacted all the people who had touched them at any point, but no go. Harvey ended up having to pay for the car to get towed to Pensacola and pay the exorbitant lost key replacement charge. Not the best way to finish a vacation for them. I guess the lesson is, nice guys finish last... I mean lost.

Speaking of that rain squall, we got a story for that, too. We were all set for a 2 hour set to finish out a day of singing. We had just stepped up and finished sound checks and looked over the audience's left shoulders and saw the gray smudge of a cloud line rolling in. By the time we finished our third song, the wind had risen to the point where the sound guy called it quits on the amplification due to fear of electrocution and/or total destruction. So, being the pirates with the complete lack of self-respect that we are, we rolled out into the audience to sing directly to them. Now, granted, the audience had been reduced to about 10 people by the cold wind and sprinkling rain, but they were the dedicated and possibly inebriated audience, and they needed a show. So, we broke into "March of Cambreadth" and "Congo River". By the time we were finished with that, the rain was hitting us so hard in the face, we couldn't look up at the audience without going blind, so it was definitely time for "Johnny Jump Up". Some tribal dudes came over and helped drum in the rain, and when the song was over, we gave them all a fond farewell and ran to go check on our booth and try to keep it from blowing away in the storm. We've performed in the rain before before, but that show was like stepping into the ocean to sing. Let it be known that this is the first time we've performed "Congo River" after it rained. I'm sure a black hole opened up somewhere because of it. I was stopped later in the evening by two of the people watching that drenching show and they said it was something they'll always remember as they were there specifically to see us after watching us the night before.

One other thing that might only be interesting to me, is that we ended up setting up our booth next to a vendor at the festival who was selling a book that she wrote. Her name is Marti Melville and she was selling a book called Midnight Omen Deja Vu. While talking to her, she kept looking at me askance until she finally told me she had to get a picture with me since I was the spitting image of the dastardly pirate in her book, Captain John Phillips. I thought that was pretty interesting, so I bought the book and had her sign it. Haven't gotten to the part yet where Capt Phillips shows up, but I'll make sure to put the best spin possible on his roguish sensibilities. However, I'd have to mix in a little bit of Sharkbait's grouchiness to the character as well since the author stopped him at Pirate Days of Texas last year and told him that he was what she envisioned her character being. I guess us pirates all look the same when it comes down to it. Except for John Crow, he's in a league all his own.

Because it's all for me blog. Me jolly jolly blog.
....Maroon

Well, it's been a while since my last blog and I apologize for not getting one out sooner. I would promise I'd get them out more frequently, but I'm not going to lie to you all (despite being a pirate and everything), so I'm not going to.

If you've been wondering what's been happening in the world of Bilge Pumps recently, I'll tell you. We're working on a new CD! And current plans are to make it a double CD! That's twice the music in one small package, though it's not going to be twice the new music. Now, you might ask me, "What do you mean, Uncle Maroon?" Go ahead and ask, I'll wait.... Why, I mean that one of the discs in this set will be a re-recording of the songs on the "Broadside Buddies" CD. We've sold out of the first run of the BB CD and aren't planning on making another printing of it, though it will still be available digitally both on our Pirate Music Box page and on Amazon and iTunes. So, for those who own a BB CD, congrats! You now have a collector's item.

Now the obvious question is why not just do a new printing of the BB CD like we do on all the others? Well, we were never really satisfied with the quality of "Broadside Buddies". When we recorded the CD back in 2006, we were rushed to get the recording out due to the fact that Mother Dubbers, the studio we used for all of our prior recordings, was due to close its doors in about 2 weeks from the time we began recording. As a result, we rushed through the recording sessions and never really feel like we did what we were capable of. It wasn't a bad recording, but it wasn't up to the standards we had set with "Greatest Hits Vol. VIII" and "Brigands with Big'uns". Our aim is to correct that mistake now that we have our own studio and the ability to take the time and do things the way we want to. Plus, for the price of re-printing the BB CD, we could spend just a bit more and get a new CD set done with versions of the songs from the BB CD included that we can be proud of.

The process has already begun as we already have five songs in the can recorded at our own Sweatbox Studios, including a brand-new song that we've only sang on stage once. Some of these newly recorded songs will be available for download from our website as we get them mixed and polished for use as an appetizer for the smorgasbord to come. I would tell you which ones have been done already, but then everyone would know and I wouldn't feel as special with all my secrets and whatnot.

So, "Broadside Buddies" has joined "We Don't Know" on the list of out-of-print recordings for the Bilge Pumps. What's next to disappear? That's easy! We only have a handful of the "Live Crabs" DVD's left and once those are gone, there ain't gonna be no more. We feel that the 2-disc "Sail! Everything Must Go!" DVD far outstrips the LC DVD and even features some songs from the same gigs. That means it's about to become another piece of bilgy history. Once it's gone, we'll have only 3 CD's and 1 DVD left to sell until the new CD is really to released upon an unsuspecting world.

What's that? Don't have a "Live Crabs" DVD? Well get on over to our Treasure Island page and get one before they're gone forever. You say you don't have a "Broadside Buddies" CD and just have to have one? Well, you're in luck. We might be sold out, but there are still some online retailers that carry them, including Sablewood Village and The Pirate's Cove. Now's your chance to snag some Bilge Pumps lore to scare your grandkids with.... not that they'll know what a CD is when they get older.

Because it's all for me blog. Me jolly jolly blog.
....Maroon

We did it! Our first, fully in house produced CD, "A Pirate's Christmas Wish", is now out and gathering up flies in the world, both in the real world and the cyber world. There's no stopping it now. It's like a yule tide version of the plague, infecting the ears and minds of all of those who listen to it. And now that it's working its way into history, it's time we fill you in on a little more history... the history of the greatest pirate Christmas CD to ever expose itself to the world! (However, we think it's the only one, as well)

As many of you know, we started the concept for this Christmas CD many, many years ago. In fact the whole roots of it came from when I received a call from Alvon, the Owner/Entertainment Director of the Louisiana Renaissance Festival when he asked us to submit a song for their Renaissance Christmas compilation CD back in 2004. The gang got together back then and did a one night recording of "Pirating a Winter Wonderland" that became our first foray into the pirate Christmas world. The song became a favorite for us to perform during the holiday season, especially at Louisiana and Dickens on the Strand, but that's as far as we went in the Christmas world for a while.

A couple of years later, one of our wholesale vendors out in California wanted to hear that CD and wondered why we didn't do an entire album full of pirate carols. I told her I didn't really know. Soon our own beloved Harvey the Corpsman got to work piratizing the snot out of the beloved Christmas carols that we've all heard waaaay too many times in our lives. Next thing you know, we have a pack of songs with all sorts of double-entendres and nautical references packed throughout. We rehearsed a couple of them in the hopes that we would do more of them in the holiday season... and then they sat.... and sat.... and sat...

Now, one of the reasons these songs were sedentary for so long was that we were going through our usual high member turnover and were taking the time to get the new guys up to speed on our current songs while working out the new arrangements for them. We also cranked out the Broadside Buddies CD and the Sail! Everything Must Go! DVD during that time frame. Luckily, much of the equipment we picked up to produce that DVD helped pave the way for us to make this Christmas CD as well.

So, here we are, with a stable line up and a light 2010 show schedule. What do we do? Well, the thought of hiring another studio crossed our minds, but our experiences in recording the Broadside Buddies CD kind of soured us on paying for studio time that wasn't giving us the bang for our considerable buck. Especially now that we had recording equipment nice enough to lay down our own tracks without having to pay someone else to do it for us. We thought about recording in our houses, but those of us with young kids know the impossibility of having a sound proof room in a house full of frolicking children, which is what happens when Sharkbait's and my family get together. So, where to record? Well, John Crow the Cook came to the rescue when he purchased a 40 foot long shipping container and had it placed on his land out in the country in Alvarado. The Bilge Pumps "appropriated" the end of one side and set to work constructing a small recording studio.

Did it have its issues? You might say that. Since our dead time this year was in the summer, it regularly would get to 100 to 110 degrees outside on the weekend days we were recording, and a dark colored steel box is just about the perfect vessel to absorb all that heat and cook the inhabitants therein. To top it off, the recording booth was small enough and the equipment was sensitive enough that we couldn't have a fan or A/C blowing in the room when recording, so anyone actually recording would usually be sweating buckets and on the edge of hyperthermia the whole time they were in there. Needless to say, it could make for a frustrating day if something wasn't going quite right and the temperature was climbing into the realm of a supernova. Hence the name Sweatbox Studios.... at least until we record in the winter there when it will become Icebox Studios

It took much longer to record this album than all of our others combined because: 1) We had the time to spend since it wasn't costing us $50-$75/hour for studio time. 2) We were spreading out the recording sessions in order to properly rehearse the arrangements of a group of 2 or 3 songs at a time so that they would sound clean (or at least as clean as we can sound). One of the problems we had with the Broadside recording sessions is that we had to get all of the potential songs for the CD rehearsed in our brains and get them all laid out as quickly as possible in the studio due to time constraints, so it wasn't as polished as we would have liked. We weren't going to let that happen on our next CD, so we took our time.

Once the recording was finally finished it was time for the mix down, which, as anyone who's ever done a recording knows, can be the most brain-draining step in the process. I spent a long, long time (soaking up any spare time I had for sleep) doing the mix downs for each of the 31 tracks on the CD. Some were easy enough, but others took almost the entire length of mixing time to get where we felt it sounded right. Luckily, I could rely upon the hyper-sharp hearing of Sharkbait to pick out any issues with the mix down that would escape my human ears. Weeks and weeks later (and two computers and a new set of software later), we had a mix down to go to the press... finally

So, now it's come down to this: the CD is out there and we think it has potential to appeal to a much larger audience than would normally listen to sea shanties and nautical music due to it's Christmas nature and the everlasting allure of pirates. So we're hitting up radio stations both local to D/FW and the satellite stations such as Sirius/XM and Music Choice to try and convince them to add a song or two from the CD to their rotation. What we need help on, though, is gathering up the contact information for the radio stations around the country that play Christmas music each holiday season. If any of you could either comment on this post or email me with the station names and cities they're in along with contact information for the programming directors, if possible, we would definitely be very appreciative. We're going to need the support of all our fans if we want the whole country/world to hear the joy of a pirate Christmas... and get them all to come buy our CD's as well.

Because it's all for me blog. Me jolly jolly blog.
....Maroon

If you've ever been to a Renaissance Faire you've seen them. They're everywhere. Usually it's just one, but I've seen close to a dozen at one time. They're usually white or brown or black, sometimes red, but they come in blue, green, yellow and rainbow. Most often they hang from a belt, but if you watch they'll appear in a hat or on a stick. They're about 10 to 12 inches long, but I've seen them longer and shorter. Some baby had one the other day. Yes, you've got fox tails. Though never seen in any Renaissance art and never discussed in Renaissance literature, they have begun to multiply at a rate that would shock students of the plague. But where do they come from?

Okay, foxes, obviously, but what I wanted to know was where the style came from of every Tom, Dick and Mary wearing them all over faire. To give credit where due, the first person to bring this conundrum to my attention was our gallant former pilot, Galleon O'Galleon. From his research, done during his recuperation following the Great Monkey Incident, and adding my feeble attempts at scholarly inquiry, I have pieced together the real reason so many Rennies are wearers of the tail. To be sure, there were a number of rabbit trails. (Though very few rabbit tails.)

The most common story at your local faire is that tails were worn for hygienic reasons. The story goes that as Renaissance folk rarely bathed, they were subject to a variety of infestations. Lice, bed bugs, the crabs and all manner of creepy, tiny monsters found the taste of dry, filthy, flakey human flesh a gourmet delight. And while we know the average pub wench enjoys a little nibble now and again, she usually expects that to be from a swarthy pirate, don't ya know. So, the story continues, the tail was tied because for some obscure reason the mini varmints would move, lemming like, to the furry confines of the tail and be disposed of the in the nearest fiery holocaust. Now why the little blighters left a perfectly healthy fold of flesh to migrate to a poofy but dry and desolate tail, no one seems to know. Nor do they recall actually seeing any real documentation to support the story. And why do these bitey-mites not return with a jump as the tail is removed, no one alive today actually knows.

There are other explanations to be sure. And surely that aforementioned plague has given us a great one. We have documentation of Italian doctors wearing grotesque masks with huge hooked noses to filter the vapors as they comforted the dying and the dead. One village believed that their good fortune was due to good humor so they laughed. They laughed day and night without sleep until they passed out from exhaustion. Then they died. And we all learned a little poem in childhood related to the plague. But did you know that "a pocket full of posies" refers to the practice of carrying flowers believing that "the good air" would kill the "bad". Into that mix is also thrown the story that the tail was worn to keep the fleas at bay. The thought being that if the critters stay on the tail, they won't creep onto the human, leaving the dread "ring around the rosies", referring to the circle left around the pustules of a plague victim. Now that thought might work for some hairless youth, but our First Mate, Phil, was hairier than the average fox so he would have been bitten faster than John Crow the cook, can hump the leg of a birthday girl. Oh, yes. No record of that either.

Our next fable of the founding goes back to Celtic times. Yes, those blue splotched berserkers of the Highlands. Roman record does tell us of these fearsome and fearless warriors from the north of Britannia. They were a wild and ferocious conglomeration of clans and tribes who would fight anyone who dared step upon their lands, and each other when no one else was handy. Some of you may have even been told that Hadrian's legions reported that they would pound the drum, scream and run naked at an opposing force, their blue bottoms bouncing like besotted baboons as they ran. Now, that's all well and good. But did they wear the tail? I was told by an ancient Rennie, with teeth the color of the Mississippi , what they did to distinguish themselves when inter-clan fighting broke out. How do they tell Clan Aaargh from Clan Whoopass. Was it long hair flying as they ran blue body paint like Avatar ????, of the relative size of "the little barbarian"? (It was cold in the Highlands.) No, it was the color of your fox tail, I was told. Each clan claimed a different color multiples when clans intermarried. Oh, you laugh. I did too, until he explained that the intermingling of colors eventually led (along with weaving) to the development of the tartan. Not so crazy now, right? And when wearing the tartan "the little barbarian" remained free. Well that's what the old Rennie told me.

There are other stories, to be sure. Every dealer in fox tails has two or three and stopping the most casual fox tail wearer along the lanes will give you stories of ancient fox tail wearing clans battling eagle feather aficionados for some sacred soil or how wearing of the tail indicated your particular sexual predilection based on the size and coloring much like latex bracelets a few years back. I however have taken the search for fox tail truth like a quest for the Holy Grail from village to city, from castle to farm, from river to cove and have divined the true source of this fashion phenomenon sweeping the faire grounds of the Ren-faire world. Here then is your enlightenment. Other may scoff and many will argue and staunchly defend their well rehearsed fable, but this story's headwaters spring from the very fabric of American entrepreneurship and not from European Renaissance popular custom.

A certain pelt dealer went to his critter-hide wholesaler in need of fur to accent various characters from Royals to barbarians. While he waited for his order of rabbit, squirrel and sheep to be prepared, he noted a large container of tails resting idly in the corner. He asked his dealer the destination of the contents and learned that since jalopies no longer sported fox tails from the radio antenna, and the market was at new lows with the want of "coon-skinned" caps, that the tails were for probable discard. Being the creative sort and not fully beholden to the Ren-faire fashion Nazis that patrol most faires, he made an offer for the lot. He set out for his booth without his cow but with a retired school bus of veritable magic beans. But how, he wondered, was he to get those beans to grow into a financial beanstalk to steal the golden goose. As he pondered his predicament, two charming lasses appeared in his shop and discovered his new found treasure. Flirtatiously, one suggested that a fuzzy tail mayhap be the exclamation point to her own tale or tail as the case may be.

Laughing they started to exit when one merchant was visited by the muse and suggested that they might have a tail each if they sent those who may make inquiry back to his establishment. When they asked the significance of the tail, the first story was born. As tails spread, so did stories. Soon every other citizen of the village was "betailed" and each new vendor tried variations of color, size and, of course, story to enhance their sales. There you have it. 'Twas not fashion, hygiene or valor that drove the tale of tails, but that most historic of American values: greed. So the next foray you make into the world of faire be sure to look about you. You'll see wench tails, knight tails, barbarian tails, Viking tails, ogre tails and even royal tails. Strangely enough, I've ne'er seen a fairy tail.